The Problem with "You Don't Need Labels"

What people don't understand about late diagnosis for Autism/ADHD

So I keep hearing this from people: "You don't need labels," "You can't trust doctors," or my personal favorite - "You've made it this far without a diagnosis, it doesn't change who you are."

And you know what? I get it. I really do get where that's coming from.

Here's the thing though...

For years, I was just like... I'm quirky. I'm weird. I'm different. And I wore that like a badge of honor, you know? But there's this huge difference between accepting yourself despite not understanding why you are the way you are, and accepting yourself because you finally understand how your brain actually works.

Getting a diagnosis wasn't about changing who I am

It was about finally having a user's manual for my own brain.

Like, there's a reason I feel completely overwhelmed in noisy environments. There's a reason I sometimes can't process what someone is saying immediately - because I'm also trying to filter out all the background noise that's competing for my attention. There's a reason certain textures make me want to crawl out of my skin.

I was flying blind this whole time

Before my diagnosis, I was essentially just white-knuckling it through life. I knew I was different, but I didn't know why or how to work with those differences. I'd push through sensory overload, beat myself up for needing extra processing time, and wonder why things that seemed easy for others felt impossible for me.

Every night I would go to bed exhausted from masking all day - just trying to be normal all day, you know? Being charismatic, being that awesome presence that commands a room. I learned how to do all of that stuff and just go through life with that. But behind the scenes? There was like this constant mental battle.

Now? Things are different

Now I carry earplugs that filter background noise. I give myself permission to ask for a moment to process information. I understand that my brain isn't broken - it just processes the world differently.

And like, if I need to stim or move around a lot, can that just be okay? Can it just be normal and be okay? Because I can actually pay better attention if I'm able to do that.

It's not just about me though

As a parent, recognizing my own neurodivergent traits helps me better understand and support my kids' needs. I can spot when they might be overwhelmed and offer accommodations instead of assuming they're being "difficult."

Even before we all got diagnosed, I was able to recognize early on that there are no “bad” kids. There’s always a reason that a kid is acting a certain way. Sometimes we just need to pause and step back and see what is REALLY happening, and not automatically assume they are challenging our authority or doing something just to get on our nerves. I am thankful I was able to figure that much out early on, but NOW, I also can better understand WHY things affect my kids the way that they do. I can be a BETTER parent and advocate for them.

Here's what a diagnosis actually gives you

It's not about limiting yourself - it's about giving yourself permission to thrive.

When you understand how your brain works, you can:

• Set yourself up for success instead of constantly struggling

• Advocate for the accommodations you need

• Give yourself grace instead of self-criticism

• Make better decisions about what you can actually handle

• Stop saying yes, yes, yes to everything when you really can't

The bottom line

Yeah, I've "made it this far" without a diagnosis. I went to Princeton. I have built successful businesses. I look like I've got it all together from the outside. But "making it" and "thriving" are two very different things.

Understanding my neurodivergent brain didn't change who I am - it gave me the tools to be who I am more authentically and successfully. It helped me understand why I was so exhausted all the time, why I started fading away from social stuff, why I just wanted to be lowkey.

Some people don't want or need labels, and that's perfectly valid. But for me? Having that framework, that understanding, that internal user's manual? It's been nothing short of life-changing.

I know my truth. And now I can work with it instead of against it.

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What's your experience been like? I'd love to hear from you down below because I feel like there's a lot of us out there and maybe we just haven't found each other yet.